BLOGGERS NOTE:

I might not be here for some time… Be back when I'm perfectly on track....

LOVE BLINDS YOU

Many thoughts filled my mind for the past days... Somehow feeling a bit "disabled"... It's funny how things just hit me left, right, center... Leaving me stunned, speechless, immobile... But I'm glad in everything I won't be stuck for long... Time moves on... till eternity comes...

I HAD TO THINK OF GOOD THOUGHTS TO KEEP ME GOING

I looked at the mirror and saw the person staring back at me... She was tired... She was hurt... but she is SPECIAL. She is WORTH LOVING. She is WORTH LIVING FOR. It's like one of those moments sa movies wherein there's a light shining at the end of the tunnel. Hehehe...

MELISSA'S FRIENDSTER TESTIMONIAL

Sandra & I hardly had anything to do w/each other, so I never imagined that some time in high school when we would eventually become friends. Amidst her paranoia & sudden quirks, she's such a wonderful person. Lots of people say that you can't have d best of both worlds, but hey, Sandra's brains & beauty rolled into one. I'll never forget how she'd bawl after a literature exam thinking that she didn't make it and end up topping the class, how she could spend forever talking about royalty, how she'd flutter her hands like a crazy bird in anxiety, how she'd be all prim and proper while everyone else was roughing it, how she'd ask you questions that come out of nowhere, how she'd be there for my late nightcalls...

I could really go on & on & on, but one thing I'll never forget is just how Sandra's been Sandra. I've had 9 great years of friendship w/ Sandra, & I'm not gonna stop counting coz w/out her, my life just wouldn't be the same.

11 PAINFUL THINGS

1. Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget.

2. Reminiscin' the good times.

3. Trying to hide what you really feel.

4. Loving someone who loves another.

5. Having a commitment with someone that you know wouldn't last.

6. Shielding your heart to love somebody.

7. Loving a person too much.

8. Right love at the wrong time.

9. Taking risk to fall in love again.

10. Accepting that it was never meant to be.

11. What if's...

LOVE KO 'TO!

FRIENDSTER DISCLAIMER

Sandz! Ba't naman naka 1st degree ka sa Friendster?

Who I Want to Meet: Only those whom I really KNOW or are AFFILIATED IN SOME WAY with people whom I do know... Meaning, if you add me and I don't know you (even if you're the friend-of-so-and-so-and-we've-never-met-in-real-life-or-otherwise), chances are, I won't add you back. Sorry. I can be paranoid like that. No offense meant. Thank you!

Christine's Friendster Testimonial!!!

SANDRA. Sandz. Sandragon(minsan)... sa skul yun yung tawag namin sa kanya kase kung magreact parang dragon!!! hehhehe!

This is one of my favorite girls during College years... She's simple, mataray, fun to be with, witty and has a nice smile (syempre may dimple ka eh!!!) We had so much memories and i know that we will treasure them forever... kasama ko siya sa kalokohan... I missed you guys terribly, sana nga makasa me sa mga bonding sessions niyo... pretty soon...

Thanks for the friendship, its incomparable and i want to know that whatever happens we will be friends forever... Luvyah!!! Mwah!!! Belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY pala!!! sensha na ngayon lang ulit me nakapagfriendster eh...

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Nabuhay si Mommy Tin! Wehehe... Mishu more... Kitakits!!!

'COZ IT HURTS WHEN LOVE FAILS

im fallin’…

for Someone..

who must really love me.

but I gotta hold back

whatever feelings i have for him.

not now... not yet... or maybe, not at all.

and why not?

don't ask me..

ask my heart... it's not gonna tell you LIES...

LOVE KO 'TO!

WHEN YOU'RE BORED AND GOT NOTHING TO DO...

FIRSTS...
First best friend: Grace Cheng
First date: I'm not sure kung si toot o si toot yun eh!
First pet: A dog named Angelica.
First piercing/tattoo: Ear piercing?
First credit card: Yung bigay na papa!

LASTS...
Last cigarette: Winston Lights
Last car ride: Last last week? Kay Yay!
Last kiss: Uhmmm... ;-)
Last good cry: July 03, 2006
Last book read: 5 People You Meet In Heaven
Last movie seen: Superman
Last beverage drank: H20 "beybehhhh"! LOL!
Last food consumed: Kare-Kare
Last crush: I still kras him... Wehehe...
Last phone call: Kanina... Vincent.
Last time showered: This afternoon
Last shoes worn: Sandals eh...
Last item bought: Educational Toy for Paulo
Last shirt worn: Sando?
Last website visited: Friendster.com
Last word you said: Bye!
Last song you sang: "Love Song" by The Cure.

CURRENT...
Current mood: Excited for next week.
Current music: Love Song
Current taste: Uhmmm...
Current hair: Long...
Current longing: D&G Light Blue...
Current desktop picture: Kodak Moment with Allona
Current book(s): Nada
Current time-wasting wish: MAGKAPAKPAK!

My name is: Sandz Calderon
I may seem: Conceited... Self-absorbed...
But I'm really: Charming and sweet but I can be dangerous... so beware!!!
Sleep would be: The best thing I need right now.
My money is: Uhmmm...
One thing I wish I had is: Motorola Razr v3i
One thing I have that I wish I didnt have is: Uhmmm... A loving heart? Bwahaha...

HAVE YOU EVER...
1. Kissed your cousin: Yes...
2. Ran away: Nope...
3. Pictured your crush naked: Kadiri ah! ...
4. Skipped school: Yes..
5. Broken someone's heart: Yes...
6. Been in love: Yes.
7. Cried when someone died: Yes..
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Uhmmm...
9. Broken a bone: Yes.
10. Done something embarrassing: Yeah!
11. Cried in school: Yup...

WHICH IS BETTER...
12. Coke or Pepsi: H20
13. Sprite or 7UP: H2O nga!
14. Girls or Guys: Girls
15. Flowers or Candy: Flowers of course!
16. Scruff or Clean shaved: Clean shaved..
17. Blondes or Brunettes: Neither.
18. !@#$ or Slutty: ZUhmmm....
19. Pants or Shorts: Shorts
20. Night or Day: Night

HAVE YOU EVER...
21. Made Out With JUST A Friend?: =)
22. Been Rejected: YES!
23. Hated them after it: YES!
24. Done Something You Regret?: YES!
25. Been Betrayed: YES! YES! YES!

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
26. Who broke your heart: Uhmmm...
27. You Talked To?: Lola.
28. You Hugged?: Allona
29. You Instant Messaged?: Tita
30. You hated?: Si MORON!

OUCH!

"Sorry and I miss you.."

and I replied, "...Can you blame me if I don't feel the same?"

I was hurt.

ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE

...Not!

PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE

I'm blinded... So much blinded from the reality. I have, once again, allowed this fucking love take over me, my mind and my heart...

I love him so much that it hurts.. It hurts me.. It really hurts me.

YOU READY FOR THIS???

I STRONGLY INSINUATE YOU SKIP THIS ENTRY IF YOUR NOT IN THE MOOD FOR SOME SERIOUS RANTING...

This entry is about VINCE... I've been keeping this for weeks and I just have to get this out of my system.

Most of you may know, we broke up (?) last week. And dude, did he surprise me with his text message... So there, it all ended with a text message. I actually felt sorry for myself for a second there. He caught me off guard.

I felt really stupid for letting that incident consume me. I didn't attend my job interview. Instead, I'd rather wander around, do nothing, cry and do the same damn things the next day... I was so pathetic that time... I know, I know. LOL!

My friend Laney had a hard time dealing with me... No, I don't have mood swings. She's not used to the oh-so-soundless me. I know she missed my laughs, our jokes and stories. I wanted to smile, but I couldnt. I wanted to laugh, but it seemed like a hard task...

Maybe I was just really hurt. Or maybe, I felt so sorry for myself. I felt worthless, yes. After everything and he still left me. I can't blame him... I understand! (wtf!)

For a year, I was alone. He was there, but I was alone... We were in a relationship, but I was the only who valued that relationship. I thought we had something special... Something magical. Yes, BEFORE. It was pure magic. But things happen. Words are spoken which can hurt feelings. And things do happen for a reason.

I just can't believe I believed everything he told me. I believed the sweet words which made my heart beat. And I guess those sweet words were the only thing I was holding on to. He already let go of me since July 03. Pity, that's what he felt. He only felt sorry for me.. That's what he told me.
============================================================
Let me quote this part from a song: "I'm about to see a million things I thought I'd never see before and I'm about to do all the things I dreamed of and I don't even miss you at all."

BACK TO BASIC

Eto nanaman ba tayo? Magulo nanaman... Alam ko hindi kayo makarelate. Pero eto lang, alam nyo yung feeling na ok na. Nabubuhay ka para sa sarili mo, pamilya mo at sa mga kaibigan mo. Yung wala ka ng panahon para sa "lovelife" pero ok ka naman. Yung ganun. Tapos biglang may dadating na taong babago nanaman sa buhay mo. Masaya sa simula. Tapos malungkot nanaman pagkatapos. Alam ko hindi palaging masaya... Pero ganun na lang ba talaga ang tadhana ng tao? Lagi lang sa simula masaya? Oo, ang drama nanaman nito. Pero di maiwasan eh.

Wala lang. Maayos ko din 'to mahal kong mga kaibigan. Ganda ng timing. Sabay sabay talaga. Basta mahal ko kayo.

Pero, di ko na ngayon maiwasan "magalit" sa mga taong katulad nila. OMG. Nagiging "man-hater" nanaman ba ako? Siguro naman hindi. Nababadtrip lang ako sa kanila. Parang pare-pareho eh. Sorry wala akong masabing matino. May araw din kayo. Pero wag kayo mag-alala, yung nasa taas na bahala dun.

PAHABOL:
This entry is not just about me and my feelings. NO. I'm speaking for the majority who is experiencing the aformentioned situation.

I've got my own personal problems which does not revolve around LOVE. Yung ibang problema ko, oo tungkol dun. Pero mas marami akong dapat isipin at ayusin. But I'd rather enjoy each second than grieve or cry over that/him..

Basta alam ko mahal ko siya (Ack!!! The cheese!!). Yun na lang yun. Pero sakin na lang yun. Malabo diba?

GROUP PIX...

Masaya, malungkot, tamang sabog o tamang trip lang... Ito ang mga taong mahalaga at mahal ko... Kasama at nakatali sa pag-agos ng buhay ko...

CAUGHT UNAWARE...

I've been staring at the monitor for about 10 minutes thinking what to write. I could write about how much I love Starbucks and that I'm willing to move mountains for HIM but... NO. Not that I think it's jaded but professing your love for someone who doesn't even know that you breathe the same oxygen is really quite, well, goulash. Then again, I already did... Shesssh!!! Need to sleep...

MANNY... MONEY???

LOVE...

LOVE... is like standing on top of the mountain with someone beside you to share the view...

ON REVENGE

*The best sort of revenge is to be not like the one who caused the injury.*
____________________________________________________________________
This is some silly thing that I wrote... I do apologize if it sounds so childish... BUT I LIKE IT.

WRITTEN ON THE BODY

Excerpts from Jeanette Winterson's Written on the Body:

What is the measure of love loss?

You said 'I love you.' Why is it that the most unoriginal thing we can say to one another is still the thing we long to hear?'

I love you' is always a quotation.You did not say it first and neither did I, yet when you say it and when I say it we speak like savages who have found three words and worship them. I did worship them but now I am alone on a rock hewn out of my body.

'You'll get over it...' It's the cliches that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes.

How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it.

Why would I want them to? I want to accept what I've done and let go. I can't let go because Vincent might still be on the other end of the rope...

... Something that I've stolen from someone else's blog (and that person took this excerpt from somewhere too, that's ORIGINALITY for you folks!)... Because i'm too tired to splurge my emotions on cyber ink... And because my heart ache's soooo...

WORDS OF WISDOM

Yay said that broken bleeding hearts are the most beautiful things in the world...

I told him: "So my heart is one of the most beautiful things in the world right now..."

It lies slowly pulsing... A bloody pulp of something that once illuminates my soul.

I hope we're both right...

YOU SAY IT BEST... WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL...

I thought things were goin well... but obviously not… thats why im writing this crap... I've been thinking a lot about things... lately… and they are not good... Like thoughts kept on coming... like things to think about... not fair at all…

I want to forget about everything… I really do... I wanna move on… and be independent… I don't want to be dependent on my feelings anymore... They screw me over... Hardcore…

I want to forget about him... But I can't... That's a fact... We wanna stay friends… I know its hard to think about that… but then... you know... Its better that way… and like… I mean... I dunno… Im just retarded...

I've been really confused as well... Its because i don't know what's goin on inside my head.... Weird but true...

I miss writing about happy stuff... Its true… Before I use to love it when im depressed... But not anymore… This thing that happened lately got me to the point that I don't want to be depressed anymore… Weird but true...

I've been going around in circles... Asking questions... I still can't find the answers to them...

Its weird that I still wait... And that i know for a fact that nothing is ever gonna happen... Im such an idiot... I keep on wondering but then i know that the answers are already there.... I just like to ignore them...

I've been fucked up since... It's not really doing any good… I haven't been doing so well in everything… I thought I was... well not really...

I thought I was ready to move on… But I'm not... Something else is missing... i thought there was closure between us... But I don't see it nor feel that there is... Is it me, or there's still something out there... A reason why i can't shut you out of my life...

Not that i'm saying that I don't want to be friends... What i meant is that... In that way... What happened to us... I want to put it all behind... But i am not ready....

I still wonder at night... What really happened… Although you've told me a thousand times... But then its not enough for me to believe… that, it was the real story... I still feel that you haven't told me everything...

...This is sad coz i keep on dreaming... But sometimes I wonder if you ended up loving me... I wish I could have heard u say that... You love me... Coz hmmm... That would have been worth every second that i've wasted waiting for you...

...

Date:Mon, 27 Mar 2006 18:24:25 -0800 (PST)

From:"lucas juanta" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert

Subject: hunny ko...

To:"Sandz Belandres" dude_ni_sandz@yahoo.com
====================================================================

hi hunny ko! oo nga boat tyo friday, kaya nga natuwa ako nung text mo ko na bangka tyo! heheh! srap! enjoy tlga wen im wid u, weder sa boat or sa tricycle o sa jeep sa taxi basta't kasam kita.. solve lhat.. hehhe!

dnt worry d ako tampo, i understand... mga kaibgan mo sila eh.... ok lng tlga. d namn ako matampohin.. heheh! isa pa meron namn passalubong eh! kaya ok lng! hehehhe!

"sana maipaliwanag ko sa mensaheng ito kung gaano kita ka miss.. kung gaano kita ka mahal..." - gudbye?? ofcourse not dude.... sinabi ko lng yan kasi ang hirap maipaliwanag specially dito sa email or sa text kung how i really feel for u.... ala namn kasing emotion dito dba? heheh! pero i hope kahit sa email ko na ito maipakita o maipaliwanag ko how much i love you hunny...

ang hiurap mag express ng feelings sa mail or sa text and sa personal specially kung dami tutol... gustong gusto ko pakita sa buong mundo na mahal na mahali kita... maybe d pa ngayon ung time na yun....

haaay... mahal kita tlga hunny ko....

mahal na mahal kita...

vnz

...

Date:Thu, 16 Mar 2006 01:01:12 -0800 (PST)

From:"lucas juanta" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert

Subject: reasons

To:"Dudeness Calderon" dude_ni_sandz@yahoo.com
====================================================================

Some reasons why i love my dude...
I love to hear your voice.
I love the way you laugh.
I love the way you look when your sleeping.
I love your body
I love the way your voice sounds over the phone
Everytime I look at you, my heart misses a beat
I have had the time of my life and I owe it all to you.
You are simply irresistible
I love how you love me.
I love how I love you.

i can do dis all day dude.. there are so many reasons why i love you.... hope dis helps when u wonder why i love you....